In one of many naps I have had , I dreamt that I clipped Cassius’s toe off trying to clip his toe nails. Yeah the shit you start to worry about changes dramatically when the baby comes home.

He finally came home on Saturday! Cassius has been home since then and it’s been a great new adventure that we’ve been waiting for ever since he’s been born. NICU was an experience that has gave us a whole different outlook on life. We are definitely glad that that chapter is over and done with. Cassius has been really easy so far. The only thing that I have to get adjusted to is waking up every two to three hours. Him being a preemie has me extra freaked out at night when I  hear him make a weird noise but still really worth all the sleepless hours so far. For now talk to yall later it’s feeding time!

Everyone always says that when you have a baby all your plans and being in control of everything go out the door, being a NICU dad has shown me that more than ever.

So far our 31 weeker (baby born at 31 weeks) has been in the NICU for 3 weeks 3 days. It’s been a mission so far for sure. Cassius is still doing great and making great progress everyday so that means that he gets to come sooner than his due date HOPEFULLY. They told us that regardless it could take up until his due date for him to be released. They say that because they don’t want you to have your hopes up for a specific day and then the baby does something weird like have his heat stop or skip a beat and then they have to keep him in even longer.

The best thing I could do right now is just showing up and being there. There is not much else besides waiting to see how he progresses everyday. I sit with him and hold him during his feedings and have been starting to read to him here and there. He sleeps 20 hours out of 24 hours of the day which is a lot of down time and just sitting by his bed. But really thats all you can do, that and be there for my wife.  Its been difficult all around, with her stressing about pumping milk, which not all women do right away to the amount that shes been pumping has had her freaking out. We did find out though that the Medela breast pump has been one of the best pumps that she has used. We had to get a medical grade one because of him being a preemie. Insurance sent her a pump that hurt and that didn’t get as much milk out as the Medela. So definitly do your research and compare pumps because it does make a difference.

Well thats it for now so far, have fun!

What the heck!!??  July 17th, my wife’s birthday. Started normal but went from 0 to 60 in no time.

     Went to workout then went to get the car washed and went to the store and bank. Come home to wake up my wife with the flowers, card and balloon that I had bought while out. Yeah seemed last minute but it wasn’t. I knew what I was getting her but I could not buy it and just bring it home and hide it haha. So I tell the wife to get ready were going out to breakfast. We head to this really awesome place called ,Crepe Expectations, freaking epic I tell you! Elvis crepe: peanut butter, bacon, bananas and caramel drizzle on top!

We leave there and I drive her to this place called Belly Bliss. They specialize in massages for pregnant woman. Yeah we all heard it, to be careful not to get a deep massage because it could induce labor. I had asked them and told them my wife was in her third trimester is it still safe to go. “Yeah we do women almost all the way up to mere weeks before.” was the response I got. They got her all set and I went off to the store for two hours. I come back, pay and we leave. Chelsea told me on the drive to the next location that her underwear were kinda wet but it may have been the oil or sweat from the massage. She wasn’t concerned about it so we decided to keep with the plans I had for the day.

Arrive at my coworkers house so they can do her hair since she hasn’t been able to get out much. They do her eyebrows and start the foils in her hair to bleach it. Midway through about 45 mins of being there Chelsea starts to say she feels like her braxton hics might of came back  and that her back was hurting. So she gets up because she needs to pee and BAM! water broke right there. She freaks out the hair chick freaked out and I semi freaked out but then saw the look in her face and knew I had to keep calm. We wash her hair out, take all the foils out and rush out the door.

GPS says hospital is ten minutes away, floor it in that direction. My mind was racing 90 miles a minute thinking everything from the worst to the best possible situations. We knew we could have a preemie but we never expected it to happen before she had her stitches in her cervix taken out. I almost go in the wrong direction because of GPS. Make sure you check and see where the hospital is at and major streets around it and where to park before hand. Most couples do it a month or two before, we never got the chance. I find the hospital and pull into the front, they have VALET YES!  park the car in front swing open the door run inside for the wheelchair, tell the valet guy thanks! Run to the elevator and go in. We didn’t know where the labor and delivery rooms where so we asked a nurse on the elevator and she said third floor. Press button for third floor. She gets off on the second floor and as shes getting out she says oh wait it’s here. Doors close, “Mother fucker” go to third still we look and say “It doesn’t look like this is it” Rush to the elevator and push 2nd floor. Run out, go to the doors, “This isn’t the floor”, says my wife. Rush back to the elevator and push 4 thinking maybe it is that one. I leave wife in the elevator and run out to these doors. Nope not it. Run back to the elevator, “It’s got to be the third floor!” Run to the main entrance doors again. YUP !! Success! Go to the main desk and tell the nurses what happened and they quickly find us a room. They looked pissed because they had already had a full wing of woman giving birth. Get in the room , on call doctor comes in and looks at wife.

7cm dilated and he can see the head and hair coming out. It’s all systems GO !! I call my mom and her mom tell them they need to hurry to get to the hospital because the baby was coming out today. About an hour goes by they get all the IVs in and finally give her the epidural. Family comes but they got shooed away by the nurses before making it to the room. I tell them I will come get the moms when things are ready to go. HA ! too late things were already to go as soon as they gave her the epidural. My poor wife felt every single bit, the epidural didn’t give her a break at all.

The amount of screaming from the doctor to for my wife to push and the amount of screaming and crying from my wife was immense. Shit got real. All I could think about was staying calm for my wife and helping her through this. We never took those birthing classes so we had no idea what the fuck to do. She squeezed my hand tight and push. Cried and scream and pushed again. Cried and scream and push again. One final cry and scream and there it was. Our baby! In all it’s glory! Our amazing baby was out. They rested the baby on her chest and we look. IT’S A BOY!!! Our baby is a BOY!! They hand me the clips and cut his umbilical cord. They wipe him off and have me follow him to the NICU. Since he was born about 8 weeks or 9 weeks early they rushed him there right away. I followed and couldn’t take my eyes off him. They most beautiful baby in the world was here and I couldn’t believe it. Cassius Jupiter Robertson Heaivilin, born 4lbs 8ozs and 17 1/2 inches on July 17th, 2015 on my wife’s birthday. Full head of hair with a cone head and all!

Trust me people the plans that you think you have for birth versus what the plans your baby has are completely different. Things went from 0 to 60 in a matter for mins. I couldn’t have it any other way though he is prefect. Currently in the NICU but they say he is doing great. I will update more on next Sunday as it’s taken me a week to try and get this updated so far. Have fun !

For real people, if there is one thing that I have heard people talk about is always expect the unexpected. Currently in the labor and delivery room because the wife had spotting that turned into a semi heavy bleeding flow. The wife brought it up at her last visit that she was having some spotting and her doctors didn’t seem to think anything of it. This weekend it got heavier so to just make sure everything is okay we decided to come and check things out and make sure the baby is still okay. So far so good. They had her spread eagle and went in with that duck lookin thing and a light, looked like they were going cave exploring haha. They couldn’t see anything was wrong but now they want the baby to show that it’s still active so they can release us. The joys of just sitting here and with no t.v. and hearing other people running around or women dealing with labor pains is a great way anyone would like to spend their Sundays lol. But it makes me feel better knowing that nothing is wrong with this little hermit and puts less stress on the wife also. Plus we’re right next to pinkbox doughnuts so you know for sure we are stopping there on the way home 🙂

This past week has definitely been one of many changes. Some people have different views and opinions on the subjects. With one flag that to me represented racism, slavery and white supremacy coming down. Another flag went up in it’s place, representing what America is all about: Freedom , unity , respect, and love. For me I’m glad I won’t have to explain to my unborn child why their friends dads or moms can’t get married and me and mom are. Where is the compassion in that? I would put my self in their shoes and look at it from the kids point of view, and be really confused by that in itself. To me this isn’t a political thing, it was made one because it had to go through those stages. To me this is a civil human right thing. I have no worries about having to tell this child why there are two dad’s or two mom’s kissing each other, my response will always be the same.. Love. Simple as that. Why would I tell my child, you can’t love this person and you can’t love that person? If that were the case and everyone still had their way,  we all be insect offspring with mutant children running and limping around and the end of humanity coming to an end sooner. Granted the end of humanity by the looks of it still maybe coming to an end sooner still but that’s a different subject all together.

Why is everyone scared of telling their kids that two men or two women can love one a other? I’m sure as fuck not going to sugar coat it for my child. While people keep saying I’m okay with it as long as they don’t keep shoving it in our faces everyday… umm isn’t that what straight people are doing to gay people everyday?
Our society is changing, and with change always comes fear and like Master Yoda says fear leads to anger , anger leads to hate and hate leads to the dark side of the force. We may have a some that don’t turn to the dark side and who accept that the world we live in today is changing and go on with their daily lives. We will always have those people who embrace the dark side and who will do all they can in order to cause chaos and accept no responsibility for their actions and words. I say we just have to show them how it isn’t so bad to be on the good side of the force once in a while.  Btw I’m all for the empire but that has no reflection on my personal views lol

So in the end love conquered hate and hopefully the world that my child will grow up in keeps making changes for the better. Much love everyone! 

Some say you’re not truly a dad till the baby is born and in your arms, but fuck that. This kid is already needing my attention 24/7. Yes the wife is the one who has be in bed all day and has to indure the labor pains and push a water melon size being out of a small hole.

Still , I’m already constantly worried that something is wrong every time the wife says “Ouch, this or that hurts”. Chelsea, the wife, can’t go downstairs to fix herself food or get a bottle of water. Which is a good thing at times, she’s clumsy and her falling down the stairs is something that could possible happen. So, who has to make the trips up and down the said stairs? This guy. Who has to make sure she has everything she needs for the day before I leave for work? This guy. Who has to remain patient with said wife if she forgot to mention she needed something from downstairs when I asked her two times before I came up if she needed anything? This guy. Needless to say the months leading up to the birth have taught me a lot about my wife and myself as well as some lessons already for caring for someone 24/7.

When someone says you’re not a dad yet till the baby comes out, tell them to shove it. No matter what stage you’re at, if your partner is 1 or 40 weeks the moment that your sperm makes a touchdown in the egg, you’re a dad.

On another note though as well, you don’t have to have your sperm in that persons egg to be considered a dad. To me being a dad is a person, regardless of your gender or what have you, if you support that child and love them. You are a dad. If you encourage that child to be who they want to be and help them become that person. You’re a dad. Regardless if you’re a single mom or a man who now wants to be a women, you’re a dad just a special kind of dad. You’re children come into this world loving you no matter what so the same should be said for your children. Love them no matter what. Unless they end up killing you then you can lower it from love to like. 

From all the father’s figures I’ve had in my life each one of these people below in the photo have contributed to the person that I am today. I may not have spent a lot of time with each of them since my dad’s dad passed away when I was only 5, and my mom’s dad living in Mexico. I’ve still learned something from each one of them that will help me on my path to being a dad.

Top left is me and my dad. center photo is a guy who employed my mom to work for him, she ended up taking me to work sometimes and ever since then he has been a man who I’ve called grandpa for the past 20 something years and still love to this day. Top right is a picture of me holding my brother who right now has two kids under the age of 4 and couldn’t love those kids more. Bottom left is my dad’s dad, Pops, who like I said died when I was 5 but still have memories of and gave me an understanding later on to what death meant. Last but not least bottom right is my mom’s dad, who is one of thee most hardest working men I know. The way he cares and provides for his family to this day is amazing.

Happy Father’s day everyone.